Are you smarter than a 5th grader? Let's discuss.
I, Word, am not smarter than a 5th grader. When I was in 5th grade, I was smarter than a lot of other 5th graders, maybe even a few 6th and 7th graders. But somehow, over the years, I became stupider. Like just now. Is stupider even a word? I don't know. I'd have to look it up, but I don't want to.
So what the heck happened is what I want to know. When did all of those fabulous facts fade away into obscurity?
Name all the oceans.
Name all the continents.
What is the capital of New Hampshire?
Who was the 6th president?
Is the Tropic of Capricorn in the northern or southern hemisphere?
What is a hemisphere?
And those are just the tip of the iceberg. By the way, how much of an iceberg is above the water versus below? Do you remember the percentage? I don't.
I've decided that brains are only capable of retaining "x" amount. There is probably an algebraic equation that relates the inverse relationship of "x" to your age and number of children you have sucking any remaining intelligence out of your brain. Not sure about what that equation is though. I think there might be some numbers, and possibly a noun or verb in there someplace.
I think it works like this:
Locating lost keys = loss of one third grade spelling test.
Locating 12 year old's gym shorts = loss of the definition of "preposition".
Training new employee = loss of any and all geographic facts concerning Greenland.
Hearing the word "Mom" followed by....well, just about anything = loss of one historical fact concerning the early explorers of the 1500's.
Grocery Shopping = loss of the multiplication table for 6's.
Sleep interruptions = loss of ability to find keys.
No, I am by no means even close to being as smart as a fifth grader. I guess that's a good thing. When I help the kids with their homework, I am genuinely astounded at how doggone smart they are AND I get to learn something new. Well, not new - old - but hey, perception is everything right?
Will someone please come up with a game show named: Are you smarter than my mom? I'd like to play that game.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
13 comments:
I love this post. You are so funny & creative. And unfortunately absolutely right.
My question for you is how much points deducted for a laundry full of socks I can't match. I just don't get how a 40 year old woman can't even find socks let alone remember the vice president of Ronald Reagan.
And hell, forget 5th grade. I don't know half the stuff my 1st grader comes home with - all the different parts of the ocean; what a compound word is; how much is 25 + 18 (I have to run for my calculator).
Thanks for putting a smile on my face. :-)
Quit yer whinin', Word! How would you like to be MY age?? Hmmmm??
At least I'm not as bad as the woman who called her husband to complain that she'd lost her cell phone. He looked at the caller I.D. and said, "Aren't you CALLING me on your CELL PHONE?"
She made him promise not to tell a soul, so he put it in the Sunday paper...minus their names.
Now, I know this doesn't have anything to do with being smarter than a 5th grader but we're all losing brain cells on a daily basis. Considering my age, I've lost about 30% more than you!
So, quit yer whinin' Word! (Oh, and loved your blog!)
Hey Word--now, remember, those smart little sprogs of yours did not generate out of thin air! I would take a moment to pat yourself on the back for delivering such awesome brain DNA to your kids :-).
As far as memory goes--I watched Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone on TV last night. I found myself completely relating to the character of Neville, when he received, early on, a magic object called a RememberAll. It was a ball that turned red if the owner had forgotten something. Unfortunately, as Neville so eloquently put, "I can't remember what I forgot!"
As for me, I'll stick with my lists and surreptitious Googling for mundane facts that have migrated from my head to the great unknown :-)
Hi Writerkat!
Thanks for dropping by. Laundry, huh. That is a big zapper. Let's see. I think laundry affects earth science knowledge. If you can no longer remember the layers of the earth, how sedementary rock is formed or the difference between cumulous and stratus clouds and at what altitude they are found, then you have done too much laundry!!
Speaking of matching socks, have you ever done this? When I go through and have matched them up I usually have several singles left over. These are now examined for close enough status. I mean purple and pink aren't that far off are they? Not to me. Close enough. Cuts down on overall unmatched ratio.
Hey Mary!
It's my blog and I'll whine if I want to. Whine if I want to. That's funny about the cell phone lady! Boy that guy is lucky he didn't include their names. That'd be grounds for forgetting where that remote ever got off to on Super Bowl Sunday ((evil laugh)) Speaking of football, did you see our beloved Pack won yesterday? Woo Hoo!
Mary, if you've lost 30% more than me, then you started out with a hell of a lot more than me because you are simply brilliant my dear!
Bookchyck,
What? They didn't generate out of thin air? How then do you suppose they came about? You're not suggesting that DH and I did the nasty....not once but twice are you? By the way, the "nasty" is the cause for major brain cell loss. Sorry ladies, but it's true. If you can no longer diagram a sentence, it's because you've ....well....you know, diagrammed something else.
Neville is my hero. I can't remember what I forgot either! Thank God for Google and calculators!
Thanks everyone for stopping out! Love chatting with you all!
Word, do males lose brain cells after doing "the nasty"? Because if that is the case, I should've never graduated college...TMI :-)
OMG, I forgot M&D read this too! Can anyone say BUSTED!!
Dear Anonymous,
I have no idea who you are....because, you are anonymous. Anonymous means you have no identity. You have no worries about being busted by anyone. If you have forgotten what anonymous means, you have lost one heck of a lot of cells dude.
But anonymous, M and D (whoever they are) are not the only lurkers. A 12 year old is known to pop out here so we must keep this PG 13 which is why I didn't post what I really wanted to in response...dang.
Thanks for stopping in...anonymous who I really don't know anything about at all!
Word, I'm going to implement the close-enough sock intervention although it will stretch all my OCD qualities to full capacity. Thanks for the tip!
I love the "close enough" sock ratio rule! Can a corallary be the "clean enough" whatever rule too? I mean, there are some areas in life where one needs to be exact and precise, and a degree of self-discipline never hurt anyone, but I've got better things to do than worry about clearing the toothpaste spatters off my mirror on a quasi-regular basis :-). Heck, there is something beautifully artistic in the random scatterplot that is my bathroom mirror. And dust is so nifty; consider the way it actually alters the color shade and hue of the object it encases. Why be in such a hurry to erradicate it?
Speaking of dusting and socks, my mom used to use old socks and old underwear (with the elastic and nasty bits cut away) for dusting. Talk about repurposing--we had old items of clothing that just screamed to be put out of their misery and thrown away, but they'd never hit the bin unless they were more hole than garment. And I wonder why I as an adult have a hard time disposing of anything that hasn't lived through eight different purposeful reincarnations :-)
To bookchyk: Repurpose of old underwear? Is that what mom was doing? Is that why I never saw mom reuse my underwear in that manner, because there were more holes than garment? The answers to these questions coming up after the commercial break...
And I will pay you eleven million gilder if you can state the old TV show that I just ripped off!!
And now I think I will construct a coordinate axis on my bathroom mirror and produce a regression line to see if there is a correlation. Between what, I don't know. Am I turning into that guy in "A Beautiful Mind?"
And get this. I have never lost a sock in the laundry.
Writerkat and Bookchyck,
Glad I could bring you into my close enough rule! In my real job - the one that produces an actual paycheck, I'm forced into "exactness" - so close enough at home is my little rebellion.
Anonymous - you keep coming back! You are indeed a sick ticket. I mean, come one, never even lost one sock? When are you going to come over to the dark side?
Next week, I'll be making some special kudos to one of my writing pals, so you'll want to stop back and find out what that is all about. Also - there will be a special surprise at Church Lady's blog of which I'll be giving a wink and a nod to. You won't want to miss that either. And of course, there will be a topic of discussion...which I have no idea about yet. It might involve a mouse and an empty mouse trap.
Cheers,
Word
Oh. My. God.
I forgot this post. But, like Writerkat, I've had lots of laundry.
Sad, but in all honesty I agree with your theory. Stupider socks and bickering kids.
((Thanks for the laugh!!!)
:-)
Oh yeah. Mary is old, isn't she. So you (and I) should have more brain cells.
heh heh heh!!!
;-)
"By the way, how much of an iceberg is above the water versus below? Do you remember the percentage? I don't."
Apparently, neither did the guys piloting the Titanic...
Love the post thought, especially the chart of equivalent losses for us stupider adults.
My 7-year-old niece told me solemnly last week that she knows just about everything now that she is 7, so if there's anything I need to know, I should just ask her.
I told her, "I am soooo going to tease you about that when you are an adult."
Post a Comment